how my garden grows

a few weeks ago i began my quest to grow a garden. i tend to forget about things sometimes, specifically plants and their need for care, so my goal seemed somewhat unattainable. whatever the case, i love vegetables, and not having to go the store, and i hate paying for produce. so i figured i might as well try to grow some veggies since the cost of the plants would be easily justified when our grocery bill came.

i read on pioneer woman that she had raised flower beds. they seemed cute and easy and would keep the dogs from ruining everything (really the most important thing). i convinced alex that this was a good idea and that if he really loved me he'd build me a raised bed for the garden i would kill. he said he loved me enough for that. he loved me so much that he talked me into continuing with the garden even after i realized how much more expensive it would be when i saw the cost of the wood. and screws. and dirt. whatever the case, we got the bed built and leveled. being the resourceful people we are, we used a box to fill in the gaps around the edge of the bed.
uzi was pumped that we made her a new place to sit in the sunshine.

i ran to the landscaping place and filled the back of my car up with 5000 pounds of dirt (or nine 30lb bags) and hauled them into the backyard.

we figured that we needed some sort of barrier to keep the grass and weeds from growing through. i had read somewhere that newsprint would serve as a barrier and still decompose on it's own, so we went with that. lucky for me i had a trash bag full of newsprint from when i moved 5 years ago. i knew there was a reason to keep it (thanks, dad, for teaching me to never throw anything away).

i didn't really have a real plan other than covering up the grass. it was pretty windy that day, so i just did a little at a time.

gandalf thought this was about time to get up from his nap and see how i was messing up his yard.

i guess he approved. he moved back to the porch and continued to pant for a few more hours. i know he needs a haircut. it'll happen eventually.

so i kept up the same process. a little more newsprint, another bag of dirt. i managed to get through the rest of the bags and then used my handy dandy garden rake to even things out.

i made another trip to lowes for some plants. i didn't buy any that morning because i somehow thought it was going to take a lot longer to get to this point. i picked out two different kinds of tomatoes, two green bell peppers, a jalepeno, a sweet basil, yellow squash, and zucchini. they were out of cilantro (jerkstores). plus i got a garden tool set for 5 bucks! the shovel alone was $4, so i was sold.

i did a little research on the better homes and gardens website to see how to space things out and what to put where. i knew that the squashes would get pretty big and the tomatoes would get high, so i put those on each end. i thought the herbs would do well closer to the house so i could just grab it when i needed it (rather than walk ALL the way around to the other side of the bed). then i got to digging.

i saw no need to read the directions on how deep to plant things.

i saw later that the tomatoes were supposed to be buried fairly deep. i didn't do this. a few days later when i did read this, i just piled up some more dirt. we'll see how fast they die.

i also read later that you're supposed to water the dirt and let it settle before planting. i didn't do this either. i just planted and watered and watered and watered. lucky for me i have a natural water source nearby.

would anyone like to give me $10000 so i can fix the pool? anyone?

i went back to lowes a few days later and got two bunches of cilantro i was needing. then i went to home depot for a red bell pepper plant, another zucchini to replace the sad one i started with, and a fence thing to keep the dogs from running through the garden on their way to their corner to bark. then i went back to lowes for two tomato cages. then i quit spending money for the stupid garden.

i've been watering every other day or so, just checking to see how moist the soil has been. if it looks pretty dry i give it a good soak at the bottom of the plant and in between them. today it started raining for the first time in ages, so i think i'll get a couple days off. so far so good, though. the tomatoes looked a little sad to begin with, but have perked up.

i can't wait for homegrown salsa in a few months.

rock 'n roll

yesterday i did something i never would have even though possible a year ago, or even 6 months ago. i completed my first half marathon.

i was really gearing up for it, and while it felt like a big goal, i felt it was completely do-able. then my ankle went out on me. it wasn't twisted or sprained, but felt almost arthritic. it would ache from sitting at my desk at work. i could walk just fine, but my attempts at running were beyond dismal. i scaled back quite a bit and tried to take it easy. some days i could run a 5k at blazing (for me) speeds and feel great. the next day 10 minutes on the elliptical nearly killed me. an hour on the elliptical one day, struggling to get through a mile the next day. so i gave up. i decided i wouldn't run anymore until the race. i think i had about 10 miles logged for all of march leading up to the race. sad.

so as i got closer to race day, i felt myself more nervous than i had in a really long time. i had mild panic attacks just thinking about the entire process surrounding the race. i wasn't excited about going to dallas and dealing with the people and traffic. i wasn't excited about deciding what clothes to wear and what to bring. i wasn't excited about my diet and what i should or shouldn't eat. i wasn't excited about the race itself. i didn't want to stop. i knew that there was a good chance i'd have to walk with my ankle like it was. and while i know in my head that this isn't the case, i felt that if i stopped at all i wouldn't consider myself a finisher. i wanted to run it.

i took off work early on friday to head to the expo by myself so i could see frank shorter's interview. he's a legend and i couldn't pass up an opportunity to listen to him. he gave a great talk and looked at me a lot (granted, there were only about 15 of us that came to listen). plus he signed my race bib, which made the race even more special to me.

i took it easy (like i had the last few weeks) over the weekend. i enjoyed my friend joy's baby shower on saturday morning. i spent the rest of the day trying to relax and fill my stomach with carbs. i was actually grateful to wake up with an allergy attack so i'd have a reason to take some benedryl to help knock me out.

i woke up race morning full of nerves. and exhausted. and chilly. the temperature dropped into the 40s overnight, which gave me a lot of relief. i was excited to wear my running tights and not have to worry about dealing with my shorts riding up during the run. i shoved a peanut butter and honey sandwich in my mouth and fought alex out of bed. i tried to calm down while i waited for mom and dad to pick us up.

when we made it to dallas, we realized that the route we were planning to take was all closed off. the only directions to the drop off point were from 75, and we were coming from everywhere else. we eventually decided to just go to the convention center where the expo was. a few people were dropped off there, so we just got out of the car and followed along. luckily we were close to the right place since we didn't have money or a phone. also lucky we came in where we did to avoid the long port-a-potty lines and a chance to see the start line. we made our way about 5000 miles to our corral. no one had entered the lines yet, so we just found a place to try stay warm before the race.

eventually things got going and we made our picks of who we wanted to beat. dad wanted to beat a guy next to him in his 50s that was also racing with his daughter. i had my eyes set on a pair of cute girls that danced through the entire pre-race soundtrack. they looked the part of a runner and were fun. i would take them down given the chance.

the starting gun was fired (by troy aikman, who also ran) and we waited another 30 minutes or so to make our way to the start line. we moved to the right side to wave to frank shorter, my new bff, and took off. the first few steps were fine. my ankle was holding and i didn't feel like death. the next few steps felt good too. i was doing it.

we wound our way around downtown. we yelled into the echos as we ran under the i-35, inspired by the "whoo-whoop" woman that kept us entertained the entire course. we passed the grassy knoll and the old red courthouse. i put my ipod on pause while we listened to the bands singing around us (and watched whoo-whoop kiss and hug the singers when she ran by).

eventually we moved into the residential neighborhoods along turtle creek and lakeside. we had a chance to see dallas in a slow pace where we could enjoy the scenery without worrying about the cars around us. we crossed over central expressway on mockingbird as we crossed the halfway point. i felt great.

at mile 8 i was about to say that i think i could run a marathon, dad stated that he was glad we weren't running one. my new goal was to make it to the gu station. what a wonderful time that was. i love vanilla gu. gu meant we were closer to 10. and 10 meant we only had a 5k left to run. we turned onto swiss ave and enjoyed a few more beautiful homes to distract us from the pain.

as we passed mile 11 i celebrated my new longest distance to run while dad started to fade. he was really feeling it in his legs and his breathing got really heavy as a result. i told him we were almost done and he just had a couple more to go. at mile 12 he was ready to quit. i told him that it was just a mile, like running to my sister's house and back. with half a mile to go, he was really ready to quit. i showed him fair park. i tried to entertain him with the people and distract him from the drizzle that had begun. i told him we were almost to the beer. we entered fair park. the change of surface was tough, but we were there. he said he couldn't make it. i told he wasn't going to stop, we had a tenth of a mile left. i showed him the ut pep band (who were playing a recording of "the eyes of texas" as they sat on the steps shivering). nothing. then he saw mom and alex with their cameras. the smile turned on.

we pushed through to the end and started looking for the medals. we finished. without stopping (minus the pauses to down our water). i did it. i ran a half marathon. faster my corral time (though not as fast as i think i could) in 2:41:01. plus i beat the cute dancing girls.

we took our new shiny medals to get our picture taken and headed to the food. dad was nice enough to squirt some of the freezing water on my now freezing back. the mound of bananas had definitely gotten smaller, but was still a giant mound of bananas. we grabbed a snickers marathon bar and found our way outside of the holding section. i saw mom and alex standing near the "d" like we'd decided. i galloped over to them with what range of motion i had left and we looked for the beer. i never thought i'd enjoy an mgd 64 so much.

i asked to please stay moving to i wouldn't lock up. that didn't really happen. we wandered over to the stage to check out bret michaels. mom was thrilled. dad kept wanting to move closer. i was just excited to hear "talk dirty to me." lucky for me he opened with it, so i was done within the first 5 minutes. we stayed for a couple more songs and decided to get food when he started the theme song for rock of love.

chuys was delicious as always. i didn't care that we had to wait 45 minutes. i didn't care that my order somehow wasn't turned in so i had to wait for my plate. it was chuys and it tasted great. especially good considering i was still in lent mode and had given up restaurants (yesterday didn't count cause it was sunday).

chuys was the perfect end to the race. i smiled throughout the race and smiled all through lunch and most of the day. i had such a great time. i felt amazing throughout the race (minus the pain that will always be there). i loved knowing that i was doing what i set out for and did something most people can't or won't do. i want another one now. i need to be closer to 2:30. then maybe i'll think about a full. for now i'll just enjoy my medal until the smile falls off my face.

ash wednesday

as the lenten season begins today, i am overwhelmed with a mix of quiet thoughtfulness and loving memories. it is the day to begin a journey to the cross and resurrection, a path that slowly and intentionally leads through the desert of reflection, confession, and repentance. growing up as a baptist, i of course never participated in lent, as it was one of those crazy catholic practices. i did like that it meant that vegetarian choices were suddenly offered at restaurants, which was awesome. lent meant 40 days of feasting to me, all leading to easter dresses and candy. what a way to celebrate spring.

when i moved to austin and became involved in mosaic, i was introduced to numerous rituals and practices that once seemed foreign to me. as we did them, i felt like i was joining in with centuries of traditions. i loved knowing that people from all over the world for years and years and years had been doing the exact same thing i was doing. i do believe that there is also something that's amazing about having a unique experience with god. doing something because that's the way it's always been done isn't always the right thing to do. i felt like mosaic was a great blend of tradition and an authentic worship that was perfect for austin and perfect for me.

i was lucky enough to participate in the planning of several lenten services and activities and loved learning about some of the history of lent. we struggled with the balance of leading the liturgy through the season without manipulating the experience. in the end we remembered that we were part of mosaic, and that things would never go as we planned them. it was humbling.

the first good friday service was incredible. my parents and sister were in town, their first time to come to a mosaic liturgy. we sang songs together, don talked about the horror of the crucifixion, we spent time in prayer and silence and grief. the night ended in a blacked out room to symbolize the darkness after the cross. as we left, my family talked about how thought provoking the service was and how much they enjoyed my new church family. i was relieved.

for the easter service, we began in the same blacked out room we left on friday. we sang songs in mourning of christ. the song turned from "were you there when they crucified our lord?" to "were you there when he rose up from the grave?" we moved into the time to celebrate the resurrection and lit candles and removed the covers from the windows to symbolize christ's light. everyone was happy again. we sang and clapped (that's right, a room full of hipsters clapped at church. it was a big deal).

then i looked up and saw that a flame was a little big on one of the candles. then i realized that it was pretty big and growing. i leaned over to my friend doug and whispered, "the table is on fire." i turned around to see if anyone else noticed, unsure of what to do next. doug looked at the table, then behind, and leaned over and whispered, "joe's got it." joe, the only real grown up there, was running towards the front of the room, tearing his shirt off in the process. seth (of sad accordion fame and music pastor), who was leading the song, opened his eyes, saw joe running towards him topless, and just closed his eyes and kept singing. joe extinguished the flames and then took his seat. we continued on as if nothing happened.

as the night progressed, we experienced easter in true mosaic fashion. fires, videos not working, sound not working, confusion, references to magnolia and the matrix... typical mosaic. it was perfect.

the next 3 lenten seasons were incredible. the blunders seemed to be a little less eventful. the services were even more thought provoking and powerful as the years continued. easter in denton never seems quite as celebratory now that we don't go through the period of mourning prior to that sunday. i miss the time with mosaic and wonder how things are now that they've grown and and become a little more established.

since leaving austin, i've still tried to observe lent as much as possible and keep it sacred to me. this year my goal is to try to be connected with it as a little more than in years past. mosaic's reading through john, so i'm following their plan. i'm really excited to see what sticks out to me this year and how i'll interpret my readings. i'm hoping this time will allow me to refocus my life. i tend to use lent as a time to begin resolutions rather than at new years. it holds me accountable but also allows me to remember why i'm making the sacrifice and help me stay focused on the big picture.

"god's grace upon you, upon our community, and upon the church worldwide as we enter into this sacred season."
-mosaic

austin city limits

what a great weekend. after a lazy friday filled with pizza and ice cream (don't judge me), we woke up saturday unusually early. like earlier than i normally wake up during the week. ugh. so it seemed like the perfect time to get a run in and enjoy a nice breakfast before we headed to austin. instead i chose to stay in bed, snuggle with the puppies, and eventually get my stuff ready to go. and no, i didn't eat the healthy stuff at home before leaving. we went to taco bueno. worth it? yes it was. their black bean burritos are just nothing short of delicious. so we took off around 1 for the big city. i packed my bag of toys- two books (one i'd already packed and one brand new one my mother-in-law got me an hour before we left), a magazine, and 100 skeins of yarn for a hat. i was excited and fearful that car sickness would prevent all of these things from being accomplished. then alex informed me that i would be driving. so my toys went in the back. the good news was that my ipod got to move to the front. we made the trek down south- me singing along while alex drifted in and out of sleep. we checked into our swanky hotel. i'm sure you've heard of it. the super 8? that's right. the doors are outside, so you don't even have to worry about finding your way through the inside of the hotel. weird smell in the bathroom? why yes, it had that. cards that don't really unlock the door? that's right. we remembered that we were only going to sleep here, and dropped off the stuff and headed out. we picked up my friend claire that i used to work with. she's a freshman at ut and i am attempting to live my life through her. she reminded me which dorm she lived in and offered to give me directions. ha! like i needed directions around that campus. i lived there, after all. we headed down mlk and i was ready to turn right onto speedway in front of jester. but then i saw there wasn't a street there. the blanton art museum was there. no problem. i went a few more streets and turned onto university. see, i knew what i was doing. i'll just park in a 15 minute spot while we wait for claire. what's that? you need a university permit to do that? i don't have one because i haven't lived on campus in 8 years? that's right. so we drove around awhile. that was our plan all along. so we finally met up with claire and hit a few hot spots on south congress. yes, i did drive past my old apartment on the way to remember the old days when things were normal and there weren't new buildings everywhere to confuse me. allen boots was still divine, even if they didn't have the perfect pair that i never knew i wanted and would never have found if i hadn't gone in. uncommon objects was still a meca of treasures. if anyone wants to give me $495 for a blue lamp, that'd be great. or even just the $85 for the smaller one, i'd take it. just think about it for a while and get back to me. we drove on to mr. natural's. oh how i have longed for mr. natural's. strangely i think this was my first time to eat there at night. they close at 8 and aren't open on sundays, so i usually hit it up for the lunch special. i was really nervous about how to even order. lucky for me, they have the dinner special, which is the same as the lunch special. whew, that was a close one. spinach salad with avocado dressing. ridiculous rice and beans. and two tofu sunflower tamales. yes, they sound disgusting. yes, they're pure heaven on a plate. i could have eaten 13 of them. i stopped at 2. and somehow found room in my ever growing belly for some german chocolate cake. perfect. from there we headed downtown. yes, i tried to turn left into a non-existent street. yes, i used to go there every week and should have known that the street doesn't exist there. yes, i was having a lot of trouble. we parked a few blocks away and walked in the near freezing weather to mohawk. nobody told us it would be that cold at night. and no, we didn't check the weather before we left. so we waited outside for about 15 minutes for someone to let us in. we found warmth for a moment while we helped joy and nathaniel load their equipment. then we had to stand outside again. but we got in (i got in for free- thanks ben!) and found a spot to hang out. i had a great time. i got to see a few of my friends and catch up. claire and alex, on the other hand, got to sit there while i hung out with friends. they were good sports, though. and the music more than made up for their time. i got a wonderful new sad accordions hoodie. plus i of course got the new ep (and a debut cd for claire). it was a really great show. fun to see old friends and a few old faces (that i wish were friends). really great music. sacrificial chumpsucker diatribe and inside out are my faves. also big congrats to ben for his song fallen czars and some amazing cover art. it's been a joy to watch this band transform over the last several years. they're really talented and i'm so proud to call them my friends. we left not too long after they finished up (i was thrilled to see everyone but hated making alex and claire sit through my fun time). we dropped claire off and headed back to the hotel to sleep. i'm not used to staying up past 10 anymore. the next morning we abandoned our plan to run town lake thanks to the 40 degree weather and wind. we did something new for both of us and drove around to the west side of town in search of mt. bonnell. after making the mistake of listening to alex's suggestion to "turn this way" when he has even less clue about where he is than normal, we got lost. normally not a big deal, but i was up really high in the winding hills around austin. i don't do well those conditions. my palms were sweaty. my heart was racing. i couldn't have been more happy to see the lake at lake level. we figured out where we were and found out where to go. totally worth it. breathtaking views of north austin's gorgeous homes in the hills surrounding the lake. beautiful views of the city itself. not so beautiful pictures, but whatever. we timed our drive perfectly and wound up at shady grove just as they opened. at this point the sun was shining and we enjoyed a fantastic meal outside as we watched families walk past on their way to the kite festival. it was the perfect day in austin. no, we didn't enjoy town lake's fabulous trails, but we got to see parts of the city in ways we never had before. and we got to enjoy a beautiful day with a delicious meal in a city i love (not to mention the great music from the night before and at lunch) . couldn't get much better than that. we left happy, our bellies filled with nachos (i know, they seem like they'd be boring but they're so stinking good), green chile burritos, and peach cobbler. mmmm..... peach cobbler. we hit the road (zune on- alex was driving) and headed home. i managed to get a whole chapter read in my book. and that was it. not very productive. made a quick trip to the czech stop. they were crazy. lines around the store for kolaches. we stuck to their packaged goods to save an hour. we made it home and suffocated the puppies in hugs. i always miss them way too much. spent the afternoon actually being productive in the yard. alex hacked away at some overgrown trees while i clipped at the vines and thorns. he accomplished a lot more than i did. after a quick dinner of black bean soup and leftover cake i passed out at 9. perfect end to a wonderful weekend.

a lesson in freedom

i headed home after work yesterday to try to enjoy a pretty day with a run. i didn't feel like running, but knew i'd regret not stepping out in the 60 degree sunshine with a light breeze and really regret it after the mexican food i plan on eating tonight. i remembered during the day that ALL of my workout stuff was in the dirty clothes since my run on sunday. surprisingly i did not remember to knock it out after my shower like my original plan. i checked in with alex and begged him to please please pretty please wash my clothes during your lunch. he did, but didn't have time to actually get them in the dryer. knowing that the hour of drying time would cut into my run pretty significantly, i mentally gave up.

lucky for me, on the way home i remembered a tattered old sports bra that would work in a pinch and pulled it out for the run. i took off, enjoying the breeze and the sunshine. i felt great, not runner's high great, but much better than i've felt in awhile. as i started to cross the first street, i looked down to see how things were going and saw that i didn't start my garmin. several expletives left my mouth. i knew that i'd gone about 1.2 miles at this point, so i could just tack on another mile to whatever the rest of the run was, and be fine. there would be no exact mileage/time/calorie count, which is beyond frustrating for me, but it's beautiful.

so i kept going, i made a couple laps around the school, still feeling good. 2 1/2 sides have a long hill and i was able to push up the hills without exhausting myself. still felt good, glad to be running. i rounded the corner and saw a woman running with her dog. she was jogging at a decent pace. she didn't look like she was pushing herself, but a random person on the street would consider her a runner, not just a part time jogger. i made it my goal to keep up with her. it was easy. my confidence boosted as i realized that if she looks like a runner, and i'm doing the same thing, then i have to. i loved my run.

i was halfway through my last lap. i was heading up the very last hill and saw a women pushing a stroller towards me on the sidewalk. normally, no big deal, we share the sidewalk, but that block has a lot of bushes on both sides. again, no big deal, i take off through the grass (next to the street, not on the regular part of the yard). as i pass the woman, i realize that i'm suddenly on the ground. someone booby trapped the yard to prevent runners, apparently. there was a giant hole covered in leaves about 8 or 9 inches in diameter. it wasn't even a dip in the ground, it was a full blown hole, surrounded by metal. the front half of my foot went in and i went down on both knees and hands.

i wasn't even embarrassed, just super confused. as i got up to see if i was alive, the woman just stood there. she didn't offer to help or even see if i was okay, she just looked at me with a weird smile. she didn't trip me, though that's how i felt at the time since i moved for her, but she really wasn't a jerk about things. i just wanted her to offer to help me up or see if i was okay. so i sort of dusted myself off and got the chunks of grass off my now green knees, and said, "well, i guess i'll walk home the rest of the way."

so i limped across the street, not really caring that cars had to wait for me. i hobbled for a few steps and then decided this was my beautiful running day. so i was going to run. i was about half a mile from the house, so i took off as fast as i could at a pace i thought i could sustain. i did pretty well, too, even if i slowed down quite a bit at the end. alex was in the driveway when i got back and wondered why i looked a little more frazzled than normal.

but i did it. and i had a good time. so what if i didn't know exactly how far i went? so what if i had no idea how long i was gone, or what my average and top pace were? so i didn't enter in my calories burned because i didn't know them? so i fell on my face on a public street where a new mother didn't take pity on me? i wouldn't take pity either. i wanted to run on a pretty day, so i did. and i enjoyed it. i wasn't wrapped up in the numbers, and that was okay. it helped me remember that running is fun. it's not just a time for me to burn calories, or punish myself for the extra piece of pizza i ate, or even just train for my half. it's about enjoying what's going on around me and running just to run.

so i did. and then i got to go to target, which makes life good. and then we grabbed chipotle, which was delicious as ever. we had a coupon for a buy one get one, which we forgot to use. didn't even care, it was worth it. plus now we get to go again this week before the coupon expires.

so i'm getting there. i'm a million times better about not letting things stress me out (especially since i changed jobs). and i'm working on looking at the big picture. in celebration of my new freedoms (or at least the process of getting there) i shall enjoy gloria's salsa and bean dip. and more importantly some good times with a friend. and even more exciting, i got to listen to the newly released sad accordion's ep. it's just as good as it comes. they make me so happy. i can't wait to see the show this weekend. until then, i shall run. but not today. today's a day to celebrate. tomorrow i will celebrate my ability to run.