mock risotto

pure heaven. creamy and completely satisfying without the calories.

1 med. onion, diced
8 oz. mushrooms, sliced
1/4 tsp. salt
2 c. instant brown rice
4 cloves garlic, choped
2 1/2 c. broth (i make with half a cube of vegetable boullion and water)
1 lb. asparagus, cut into 1/4 inch pieces
1 red bell pepper, finely diced
1 c. frozen peas, thawed
4 wedges laughing cow light creamy swiss cheese
1/2 c. reduced fat parmesan cheese

spray large skillet with non-stick spray over med-low heat. add onions, mushrooms, and salt and cook, stirring often, until soft and just beginning to brown, about 4-6 minutes. add rice and garlic and cook until the garlic is fragrant, 30 seconds to 1 minute. add broth and bring to a boil. cover, and reduce heat to a simmer and cook 5 minutes.

remove cover and spread asparagus and bell pepper on top of the simmering rice- do NOT stir into the rice mixture. replace cover and continue simmering, adjusting the heat if necessary, until the liquid is almost absorbed and the asparagus is bright but crisp, about 5 minutes.


add peas and cheese wedges; sti until the mixture is creamy and the cheese is incorporated. return to a simmer and continue cooking until the liquid has evaporated and the asparagus is tender, about 5 minutes more. stir in parmesan.

makes 6 servings

each serving contains:
205 calories
5 g fat
13 mg cholesterol
480 mg sodium
31 g carbs
3 g sugar
4 g fiber
10 g protein

working for the weekend

well the weekend was pretty fantastic. i wished alex off on his camping trip and sat down to enjoy my pizza. totino's party pizza, to be exact. i'm about as fancy as it comes. i enjoyed an evening of pizza and popcorn, knitting, and movies. not to mention plenty of snuggle time with the puppies. i was especially proud of gandalf for not going into moping mode, in which he stares at the door for hours, waiting for alex to come home. uzi, on the other hand, couldn't have been happier. the second alex left she ran in and jumped on his pillow for a nap. she knows when to get him back for his tail-pulling.

saturday i woke up unusually early for me- i didn't even go to bed at 9 like on a normal friday. i did my usual lounge/tv time, and held off on my run until alex got home/left again. they rode in around 11 and spent some time stretching their legs after their 30 mile bike ride from the lake. i made a mock risotto for lunch. pure deliciousness. and healthy. best of both worlds. not party pizza, but pretty good.

alex headed off for the monster truck rally. that's right. plus they had pit passes, so they got to enjoy grave digger up close. who's jealous? no one? oh. well apparently it was really fun and loud and awesome in every possibly way. we have the videos to prove it.

so while alex enjoyed his monster trucks, i headed off on my run. i was motivated, i was excited, and i was severely under hydrated. i realized this about a mile in. i ran around the university near my house. my friend joy was working at the birthing center across the street. i considered running in for some water, or at least some ice chips, but realized that if joy was there, that meant there was a birth. and while i assumed that the birth was not taking place immediately inside the door, it was occurring nearby. i also assumed the mother wouldn't appreciate me intruding on her because i was hot while she pushed another human out of her. so i kept running.

i managed to talk myself into shooting for 7. i originally wanted 8 or more, but the heat/humidity/lack of water kept me from it. as i rounded the corner across the street from the baseball park, i realized that with the games going on that day, there had to be water. i took some weird turns and paths around the fences as i spotted the water fountain. i was a few yards from the miracle that would rejuvenate me and push me back into my 8+ goal range. a guy had just made it to the fountain when i got there, giving me the perfect amount of time to arrive without missing a step. he pushed on the button. he pushed the button the smaller fountain. he looked sad. then i remembered that it's february. a couple weeks ago the wind chill was -9. they turn the water fountains off in february so they don't freeze. plus no one gets thirsty in february. who cares that it's texas and one week it's 5 degrees outside and the next it's 80. literally. so i sadly made my loop back to my house. i downed as much water as i could without drowning myself.

i got cleaned up and repeated the events of the previous night (minus the popcorn and pizza). alex got home not too long after i got in bed and at least filled me in that the rally was awesome. we went to church early the next morning for a relationship conference thing they had. it was fine. we only went to two sessions. the first one seemed like he spent half of the time in an introduction, and the rest was pretty broad. the second session was like the normal service him as a guest speaker. much better, much more to the point. helped me remember to look at the big picture. i'm really good at helping other people do that, but in my own life, every single event seems important or catastrophic.

we came home and took the puppies on a much needed walk. they had a blast. saw some dogs twice their size (4 times uzi) that they were pretty sure they could take. i dropped them off at home and headed out for a quick run, nothing fancy, just something to say i moved. alex brought me home some cheetos puffs as a reward for my efforts. so that, mixed with the donuts for breakfast, light lunch and more popcorn, seemed to be turning into a pretty healthy day...

i headed to work my retail job that night after hours. felt good that i didn't make an idiot of myself by setting the wrong table or taking forever. i got a lot done and we finished early. the girls were heading out to applebees for a drink to say goodbye to one of the managers. they peer pressured me into joining them for one drink. i'm happy to say i kept it to one drink. however, the appetizer i ordered was not shared among the table like we discussed. instead i ate all 900 calories of chips and salsa that they brought me. fail.

needless to say, i woke up to a couple extra pounds this morning. luckily, after my dehydrated long run, i shed a few extra pounds the day before. still on the decline. i'm meeting up with one of my friends tomorrow over mexican food, so the plan today is to get in as much running as i can. the good news is that it's going to be beautiful today so i think i can make the most of it. i'm praying for another day like last monday where i feel like i can run forever. the goal will be at least 5, hopefully closer to 7 or 8. i need to lose anything i can now before tomorrow's indulgences and this weekend's completely lack of control. as of a couple hours ago, the hotel is booked and the plans are made. let the countdown to austin begin.

berry burst

after a successful weight loss day on wednesday, the weight has tried to creep back up the last two days. i fit in a quick elliptical (or ovalizer, as seinfeld says) run wednesday night. i knew that my body probably needed a bit of a break after the long run, but i didn't want to take the day off completely. my foot began to feel like it was breaking in two towards the end, so i was glad that i kept it simple. i was also glad i at least did something after waking up to a pound gain.

yesterday i felt like things were off to a decent start. then i managed to hit 12 of the 17 lights on the way to work. who designed this town to allow a light to turn green and the next light to turn red seconds after? i shouldn't hit 3 lights in 3 blocks. frustrating would be an understatement. at this point i was late, so i had to park in the lot, not the street, which seemed like forever away. then i spilled coffee all over me. actually, it wasn't really over me, it was down my arm on the inside of my shirt (so no stains, but wet arm) and all over my bag (why i don't carry a real purse to work). but i got there on time and managed to let it go- definitely proving that my life is changing for the better.

then i remembered that we had a department meeting at work, which meant pastries. coffee cake and blueberry muffins, to be exact. completely worth it. and i felt like i had at least a little self control- i really really really wanted about 5 more muffins, plus a few of the other muffins as well. i had one muffin, one piece of coffee cake. could have been better, but easily could have done worse.

after a weird day at work filled with a roller coaster of drama, i left. the walk to the car felt like a workout in itself. the wind was blowing directly against me at about 30 miles an hour. my hamstrings were exhausted by the time i made it up the hill to my car. i got home and got changed into my "casual" clothes- meaning i put on even more comfortable tennis shoes than i wear to work and a rattier t-shirt than i wear to work.

alex and i headed to bass pro shops to find a collapsible fishing rod for his camping trip this weekend. after turning around several times (alex thought that because you see a place, you can make any turn to get there), we arrived at our destination. i couldn't be happier to be in a store filled with items i will never use and dead animals that never should have been killed in the first place (to keep a long rant short, i understand defending yourself or family if something is attacking you, but i don't see the point in setting up shop, feeding an animal to get it to come to you at a regular time, murdering it, stuffing it, and hanging it up like a prize. it's just heartless. end of rant.).

so we made it out of bass pro and back on the highway without a hitch this time. we went to bj's brewery for dinner. it's alex's new favorite place. he decided this after the last trip there, his first trip. he thinks a meatloaf sandwich is the best idea. i was just happy to enjoy my berry burst cider. pure heaven. after a delicious dinner of fish tacos, berry crumble, and berry cider, we headed home. i made it through one tv show before turning in. alex had to get his stuff together for camping and i didn't want to keep him, at least that's what i told myself.

i had another restful night's sleep, despite dreaming that i had to fill in at my old store. i walked into a nightmare situation. who opens all of the coin rolls up and lines up the coins? that's just way too many to count. i was annoyed when i woke up. then i remembered that i don't have to mess with that anymore and can just show up to work now. man, i love my job.

the only downfall to a delicious dinner- the pound weight gain happened again. i'm still below where i started the week, but not close to where i need to be. but the weekend is here. bring on the long runs and abnormally long hours of sleep. alex is camping tonight and off to meet gravedigger at the monster truck rally tomorrow, so i'll have the whole weekend to myself. looks like a lot of puppy snuggling and running. at least i hope that's the plan.

when the planets align

after eating a mere 1000 calories on monday, i woke up to the same weight i had the previous day yesterday. not cool. frustrated, but not beaten, i was careful to watch my calories throughout the day. normally i would work to sabotage my health through a binge diet of chips and anything cheesy. it's my favorite. and a lot of cake. just pure heaven.

so instead, i chose to eat sensibly: blueberry banana peach smoothie for breakfast, baked spaghetti for lunch (kroger changed their whole grain spaghetti- could not be more delicious), a quesadilla as a snack when i got home (don't judge me, i was starving and needed my cheese fix), and more baked spaghetti and strawberries for dessert. very filling, actually had some fruits and veggies in there, felt good about things. still low on the calorie side too- a little less than 1100 calories.

after a less-than-riveting day at work, i got home and mentally prepared for a run. i walked the tricky line of getting dressed without getting the puppies too excited. i didn't know how far i was planning on going and hate to see them get worked up thinking they get to go with me. i tried to play it cool and keep things calm. somehow it worked. i think it was the quesadilla giving me it's magical powers.

i took off, hoping to go at least 3, maybe 5. the sky was overly cloudy and i just knew that if i took off towards the park i'd get stuck in the rain. i decided to do some weird little loops around the baseball park in the neighborhood and just run until i felt done or the downpour started. the weather was absolutely perfect for a run. the sky was bright, but the sun wasn't out. it was about 65 degrees with a slight breeze, so i stayed cool but not cold. it was amazing. my legs felt much better than they did on sunday. my ankle hurt occasionally, but i wasn't having to hobble around.

around 3 1/2 or 4 miles in, i started towards home. i realized as i got closer that i'd end up around 5 1/2 by the time i hit my house. while my pace wasn't the best i've ever run, i didn't feel like i was going to die at any point. i just kept my pace as even as possible and didn't wear myself out by going out too quick. since i still felt okay, i made a turn and shot for 6 miles. as i got closer to 6, i figured i might as well make another loop. i quit at 8. i felt amazing.

i remember why i loved running. i hadn't felt that way in a while. i'm not sure if it was the weather (though that helped) or the quesadilla (just trying to justify having one every day) or the pearl jam on my ipod or if my body was just ready to go. i just loved finishing 8 miles and feeling like i could have run a few more miles. i liked quitting before i shut down. i knew if i had kept going i would have shut down or fallen down since it was getting pretty dark and the lights aren't quite as good as they should be.

i walked the 1/2 mile home to cool down and keep my legs from getting stiff. when i reached down to steal gandalf's bone away from uzi i nearly fell over. apparently burning off 987 calories can make you a little dizzy. i got cleaned up, took some aleve, and inhaled my baked spaghetti while i watched biggest loser. seems like i'm either stuffing my face with something awful or running my heart out when i watch it. i'm glad it was the latter this time.

leading the young, happening life that i do, i went to bed around 9:30. it never felt so good. i was out and dreaming and feeling strong. the best part was waking up to a 3.5 pound weight loss. i'm anticipating a gain today to even things out, but we'll see how everything goes when the time comes.

take me home country road

what i expected to be a long and exhausting weekend ended up being a ton of fun. friday went as planned: 5 mile run around the neighborhood, exploring the other university near me; sensible dinner of baked potato with black beans and salsa, spinach side salad, lots and lots of water; trip to sports authority and old navy (seemed really exciting until i realized that i got home with only a stick of body glide). i got to bed early, which was to be expected considering i was running on about 3 hours of sleep from thursday night. i really enjoy a good 7-10 each night, along with a few naps thrown in. so it was nice to hop into bed and get to dreaming.

saturday we woke up early to hit the road to breckenridge, texas. we took alex's two youngest cousins (middle c and little c) with us, who assumed that their older, obviously cooler relatives would provide such amazing entertainment and memories to last a lifetime. little did they know that we listen/sing along to music they don't know or care about and that the little talking we did was mostly in reference to people or things they don't know or care about. they played their own games and slept. apparently i'm already old enough that i'm out of the cool club.

3 hours later we arrived at aunt shirley's house for uncle buddy's 80th birthday. we spent the day catching up with the rest of the family and eating (i didn't do TOO bad, definitely could have done much much much worse- shirley enjoys butter). the older of alex's cousins (big c) brought his girlfriend along for the trip, which was exciting for me. after 8 or 9 months of dating i was glad to have someone new to hang out with to restore my sense of youth.

after lunch i invited the youngest cousin on a walk around their property. i told her it would be long, probably about 14 miles. her eyes bulged. she gulped. i told her we could maybe cut it short, but she assured me she was gonna tough it out. i love that my exaggerations can get past a 9 year old. we took off down the road, keeping our eyes peeled for mountain lions and coyotes. we made it to the river (maybe 2 or 3 miles away) where the rest of the family were shooting guns. we let them finish off the bullets and caught a ride back to the house. big c and his girlfriend headed to the pond to do some fishing, so we tagged along and hung out there for awhile.

for the ride home, the cousins were going to trade out cars to give everyone a little break. middle c and little c weren't having it, and wanted to head back with us. we knew were going to stop for dinner on the way back, so we assumed they would make the trade then. no go. real shame, though. i had saved my questions for the girlfriend for the ride home, but never got to take advantage. we made it home, exhausted.

the puppies were thrilled to see us, especially since we spent most of the weekend neglecting them. we snuggled for a bit and headed to bed. best night's sleep in a long long time. lots of dreams, very little waking up. delightful.

after church we whipped up a quick lunch (nothing too heavy since i'd gained back the 2 pounds i'd lost friday). i fell asleep on the couch for a couple of hours, also delightfully full of dreams. alex woke me up to tell me he was leaving to ride at the lake. i wished him luck, and quickly decided i should probably tag along, knowing i wouldn't get much accomplished left to myself in the neighborhood. we picked up one of his friends on the way for his first mountain biking experience. i tried to stretch as much as i could and headed out on my path. the first mile nearly killed me. it usually does. i normally just need some time to get warmed up. that wasn't the case yesterday. i made it through the first mile, limping along- ankle/shin area trying to slowly kill me. the 2nd mile was equally rough. my plan was to finish that loop, see how things go, and maybe finish off a 5k. things weren't better, but hadn't gotten worse, so i pushed through to the 5k mark. figured i might as well finish off that loop and maybe get to 5 miles. i somehow managed this. i limped most of the way, but got to a somewhat sprint at the end thanks to coldplay's "fix you." the guys weren't back yet, so i walked around some until i saw them. i felt defeated saying how much i sucked and that i only managed 5 in that hour (i'm not fast, but i'm usually not quite that slow). they laughed and said that they also nearly died and only biked 3. i felt like a winner again.

most people are out of the office this week for a conference, so i'm stuck by myself until thursday. we'll see if i can stay awake. today's plan: run if my ankle will let me and fix some baked spaghetti for dinner.

the beginning

after a two year weight loss/improved health journey, i'm almost back where i began. so not quite, but back to the point where i start hyperventilating and having fits because i've managed to slowly nudge myself back to the edge of overweight. at no point have i crossed the threshold into my dream state of what i consider my really healthy range. i lost about 25-30 lbs (depending on what day/week/month we're in) and feel great that i made any progress at all. i go pretty close to my goal range a few times, but always about 5-10 pounds short. the good thing is that my lifestyle is dramatically different and i feel that the things i have learned i will continue to put into practice.

i knew in the beginning that i wanted to make changes that would last, not necessarily something that i could knock out quickly. i began by running on the elliptical for about 10 minutes, nearly dying, and then rewarding myself for my hard work. soon i made it to the 20 minute range and eventually 30, then hour long stretch. i felt stronger, lighter (though definitely not light), and a tiny bit more comfortable in my skin.

after several weeks i decided that to really see a difference, i would need to tackle my diet. all i really wanted (and still want) was to eat chips, queso, enchiladas, cake, pasta, cookies, nachos, more chips, and ice cream without putting on a pound. turns out that doesn't get you very far but gets you very fat. who knew. so i decided i would never keep things up if i cut out all of my favorites forever. i just had to make a few tweaks here and there. or a lot of tweaks.

so i let lent kick things off. no cokes (or soda or pop or whatever you wanna call it). a bit of a challenge at first- oh how a ginormo mountain dew (fountain preferably) could get me a through a long day of retail. i found solace in sweet tea. so delicious. so refreshing. so full of just enough caffeine. so 450 calories?! you've got to be kidding me. so sweet tea left my life as quickly as it entered and i managed to make the switch to regular iced tea. 44oz. 9 calories. perfect.

next came the rest of my food. the great thing about my pasta was that it was low fat. the bad thing about my pasta was that it was high in portion size, calories, and white flour. not the way to get things done. i held back on portion sizes, added more veggies, and eventually started working in more whole grain pasta (not as tasty, but not missed the majority of the time. still can't quite love the pesto or plain chunky tomato sauce. it's a work in progress). my delicious (seriously, they're heaven) enchiladas would require more veggies as well. and less cheese. and less tortillas. and a smaller portion. i felt my spirit dying.

it's crazy, though. turns out exercise and a better diet meant you might lose some weight.
i became a bit obsessive about things. i started tracking my weight, food, and exercise on livestrong.com. i'm not much of a fan of lance armstrong (it was super annoying to live in austin when he was going for his 800th win of the tour de france), so i wasn't very excited about using his site, but it was easy to use and i loved the calorie information. so that's what i did. i worked out most days of the week. i ate less and chose better foods. after about 9 months i'd dropped close to 30 pounds and felt great. i was able to wear clothes i hadn't worn in 10 years (i knew there was a reason to keep them). i was able to do things i hadn't been able to do. while my self confidence was never skyrocketing, it had really improved.

then things sort of stopped. i didn't gain weight, which was great. but i completely plateaued. people talk on weight loss shows how everyone will go through that eventually. but it seems to normally last a few weeks at the most. not months. i was eating about 1400 calories a day, sometimes less. i worked out for 30 min to an hour 4-6 times a week. nothing. it was unbelievably frustrating.

then my elliptical broke. like i was running, i heard a clicking noise, and then both feet were on the floor. i just stood there, my heart breaking in disbelief. i switched to spinning and other cardio for a few weeks while we searched for a replacement. we got lucky and found another just like mine with 14 miles on it not too far away. so now i have some spare parts, which will be nice if the unthinkable happens.

i got back into the swing of things, but never quite like they had been. i kept my diet in check, but lacked some of the motivation in my workouts like i'd had. the only good thing was that i still managed to maintain my weight. i was in a range that i was comfortable with, even though it wasn't quite where i wanted it. it was close, and that was nice.
at the end of the summer i quit retail and got started at a university doing secretarial desk work. what a wonderful change. completely worth the pay cut. i worked normal hours, no weekends, not on my feet 8-10 hours a day. i wasn't stressed out anymore, i had no responsibility, nothing i had to take home to get finished. it was amazing.

some of the girls on staff had signed up to run the white rock marathon and half. i was really impressed. i had always wanted to become a runner, but jr. high track taught me that my shins and lungs didn't do as well as i'd like them to. elliptical was one thing, but pavement and heat and cold were not something i was interested in. the girls tried to encourage me to sign up for the half. they were crazy. it was 4 months away and i couldn't get through a mile if i tried.

so i tried. alex and i took the puppies for a walk one day around the park. i thought i'd just do some light jogging. just to see if i could make it half a mile. gandalf and i took off as slow as he'd let me go. i made it close to a mile. i didn't die. my shins and lungs were still in tact. i couldn't be more excited.

the next day at work i investigated the trail behind my house. a little over a mile from my mailbox. my new goal: get to the end of the trail without dying, walk back. i took off. i'm guessing about a 34 minute mile pace. made it to the end of the trail. didn't die. turned around. made it back to the house. didn't die. i just ran 2.4 miles! i felt reborn. the next day i did it again. the day after that i did 3. my dad was ecstatic. we signed up for a 5k. the next week i ran 5. i was on a roll. we signed up for a 10k. and another 10k.

my first race came. i didn't die. i didn't lose. i pulled out 4th in my age, top third of women, top half overall. i felt great considering how slow i am. the 10k proved to be about the same. 4th again. i felt like prefontaine. so what if he had national records with his 4th place finish.
i was in love. i loved heading to the trails at the lake and running through the "woods." i loved pushing up a (short) hill. i loved a light breeze in the air, feeling strong and sweaty, pearl jam in my ears. pure heaven. i signed up for a half marathon. i was ready. i could do this.

then it got king of chilly. or it rained. or i felt sick. or it was a tuesday. i kept going, but not like i had been. still loved it, but lacked the motivation i needed. i read articles from lifelong runners that said the first mile always sucked and they never felt like it, but were always happy once they got going. i understood, but couldn't get out there like i used to.

for my birthday, dad and i ran the 9 miles to my little hometown from an even smaller town down the highway. it wasn't the mileage that was so tough. it seemed like it was all a really slow hill. plus it was so straight, with farms on both sides, and the noise from the highway. there were just no distractions. we somehow survived it. the great news was that my birthday was awesome. first good one to my knowledge- not sick, not crying, not working a 14 hour day to get through the christmas rush. so that was awesome.

ended the year with a great long run. started the new year with another great run- 11 miles on the trails. alex even ran a few with me. it was great. this was going to be my year. i was motivated, i felt great. i had plans and i was going to accomplish them. then it was icy. then i got sick. then it kept snowing (since when is the wind chill in texas negative 9?!). plus fun people kept showing up that wanted to hang out and have dinner. so i had to eat an extra 5000 calories. and then something else came up, so i had to eat another 5000 calories. and not run. or get dressed on the snowdays.

so i finally got fed up. i was done with laziness. the weather was beautiful. i wanted to be healthier. it was time. so i got going again. i still couldn't quite get in my groove, but i was doing it, and that was what mattered. i had a half marathon coming up in a few weeks, so i had to kick it into gear and stop screwing around.

but then valentines came and alex made me that cake. it had sprinkles and a cinnamon swirl. it was so wonderful. and only 500 calories a slice. for real. i tried to resist. didn't happen. also ate some pesto. gained a pound. ran. more pesto. more cake. ran. another pound. no pesto. ran. lost a pound! no pesto. ran 5 miles. had sensible dinner. and cake. and then wound up at a mexican restaurant for 2nd dinner- not sensible and with chips and queso. gained 2 pounds. hit THE edge of healthy weight. i was .2 pounds away from overweight.

i freaked out. my breakfast fell off the english muffin, melting cheese on the toaster. i threw it in the trash after tearing it apart. i cried. i wallowed in self pity. i thought of everything i don't like about myself. i wanted nothing good to happen. i went to work.

i put on a brave face for everyone around me, trying to mask my hatred. then this lovely lovely girl stopped as she was leaving the building, turned around, and wished me a happy friday. isn't amazing how one sweet person can turn your day around with just a few syllables?
so i made a vow. for real this time. today i'm eating rice and beans for lunch. then i'm leaving work and i'm going for a run. i'm shooting for an hour. at least 5 miles. and then i'm eating something normal for dinner (baked potato with black beans and salsa and a salad? delicious). then tomorrow i'm getting up early to go to alex's great uncle's 80th birthday party. will there be something horrible but delicious there to eat? yes there will. but i will scan everything available and choose to fill my plate with something healthy and put a little tiny bit of the bad around it. and i will only eat one piece of cake. and i will walk their property if given the chance. and i will go for another run on sunday and love it.

it's the start for me. i will not let that extra .2 pounds enter my scale's history. i am on the edge and i am stepping back. i have no choice. i know what is right and i will be in control of actions. now it's time to get it together. starting now i'm going to attempt (that being the key word) to move past this. i am going to make a conscious decision to focus on what i can control, what i want, and how i will behave. i will take the time to breathe and recognize when i could be a little more understanding to someone when i'm in a bad mood because it's most likely not their fault. it's not a new day, but it is a new hour and it is my start. i may slip up, but i will not fail.

so i shall run. and cook well. and knit. maybe even sew. it has begun.