sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

after a falling out with gwyneth paltrow (mostly upset that she stole chris martin from me), i've fallen back in love with her in the last few years. the sense of humor that i thought she lacked was merely disguised and our love affair has begun again. i think she's fantastic. she's down to earth and just a delight. and the hair, my goodness the hair.

i bought her new cookbook a few weeks ago, my father's daughter. and while i haven't actually cooked from it yet, am really excited about the recipes. and i love that she loves cooking and loves food like she does despite weighing about 75 pounds.

i also got hooked on her blog, goop.

when i first read the site, it seemed a little pretentious. where to eat when you travel beautiful places. what clothes to wear when you have an unlimited budget. but that's the life she lives and that's what blogs are about. plus she lives some mass-appeal choices for those that don't have houses in two continents. and she's had some really great posts.

the most recent addresses something that's near and dear to my heart. homosexuality. it's one of those hot button issues that sways my vote each time. i just don't understand how anyone can put on a ballot that they support discrimination of any kind. it just blows my mind. but i live in texas, so i shouldn't be that surprised.

anyway, in a nutshell, i feel that no matter if you think it's right or wrong morally, gay marriage is a civil rights issue and that as a country, we should have equal rights for all. and as christians, we should show love to everyone, just as christ did (and the pharisees did not).

i loved the passages she shared from a variety of spiritual guides regarding homosexuality in the bible. and while they obviously are just a few people giving their view, i was thrilled with their points. rather than try to summarize everything, it can be read here.

so way to go, gwynnie. allow me to personally invite you to my future son's gay wedding (and birthday parties and tuesdays). his name is sparkles glitter rainbow. and yes, i named him that to ensure he's gay and not some annoying straight boy. and yes, i while i think that gays are born that way, i'm convinced i can turn someone gay, just not the other way around. see you tuesday, gwyneth.

aha moment

it's been one of those weeks. not necessarily bad, or really great, but just one of those weeks. i kicked it off on monday vowing to get my workouts back on schedule. unfortunately this was proven a little more difficult than planned thanks to some weirdness in my body. i have a strange mix of ugh feelings- headache/dizziness/nausea/abnormally low body temperature. the good news is that i only feel bad if i'm not eating or sleeping. so i try to stay on top of the eat/sleep combo as much as possible. i go to the doctor this afternoon to see how things look. i'm hoping for a pill that takes care of the symptoms and also knocks off about 25 pounds. so here's hoping.

i'm happy to say that i managed to get some workouts in on monday and tuesday. and i'm especially happy to say that i got myself to do them after a nap and after dinner both nights. normally i would have just brushed them off as being too late. i ovalized on monday around 9:30 or so. and then i got in a quick 3 miles tuesday around 8ish. i felt so much more accomplished than normal. yesterday i was hoping to get in a few miles after dinner with some friends (a delicious veggie sandwich from five guys of all places), but alex's grandfather broke his hip yesterday, so we spent the evening at the hospital. i'm really glad we came when we did because we managed to be there for all the doctor visits to give his medical history and get the low down on his surgery. i haven't had to be the person in charge before, so it was a good learning experience for me. but things seem to be going okay there, and the staff is incredible. it really takes some amazing people to do that job and i am so thankful for them.

needless to say i didn't get a workout in. i did managed to stay pretty much within my calories for the day (maybe 50 or so over is all). so that was awesome. i'm just dreading getting on the scale at the doctor's today. it won't matter once they fork over those magic pills.

i've been reading through a book oprah gave away on favorite things last christmas- a course in weight loss: 21 spiritual lessons for surrendering your weight forever by marianne williamson. as the name suggests it integrates spirituality with weight loss and allows you to free yourself from the things that have kept you from losing weight. i had trouble getting into it because i was usually reading before bed and had trouble really thinking about what i was reading. plus it called for some exercises that i didn't feel like taking the time for or doing.

but the last few chapters have had some good things in it. some things that have never crossed my mind and should have a long time ago. one of the best things was to again do as the title suggests and actually surrender your weight to god. it was a new thought to me. we talk all the time about giving your life to god and letting him control things. and while we say that in reference in many aspects of our lives- jobs, family, struggles, health- we never actually talk about the weight aspect of our health. we trust god to do so many things, but not our weight. if we believe he can cure cancer, how is it too much to think he can't control our weight? it was a revolutionary thought to me. and a freeing one. i could turn it over to god and allow him to guide me and take care of it. the thought made my trail run last week really amazing. i spent the last half of it just letting things go and trusting that god would take care of me- even the little things like just getting through that run. i'm not saying i have it together by any means, but keeping that in my head gives me so much comfort during the day and takes a lot of the pressure off of me that i'm taking on.

another new revelation came to me today as i was reading the another mother runner blog. the blogger they featured today said that one thing she can't run without is a body wash that she used as a treat when she'd run over 10 miles. simple idea. earth shattering to me. i grew up with food as a reward. good grades- banana split. class president- mexican dinner. great volleyball game- pizza. tuesday- more mexican food. fun girls day- more mexican food. while i hope to raise my own children with rewards not involving food (still figuring that out, luckily i have some time), i don't know how to get away from it. i love food and use it to justify good and bad days. and i use it after a great run to celebrate my strength. but it never occurred to me to treat myself for a real accomplishment. maybe i can eat something great this week, but only after a 7 mile run or 15 miles that week. maybe i can have real dessert today, but only after 50 push ups. maybe my rewards can still be there as long as they relate to accomplishing something that i've set as a true goal. a reward for the work, not a justification.

again, none of this should be new to me, but somehow it was an aha moment, in keeping with oprah's favorite things.

so tonight's another busy night. doctor's appointment after work, hospital run after that, floorset after that. and maybe i can fit in a run. but if not, that's okay. but i can't justify full blown taco cabana just because i worked floorset (though if i still have the calories left in the day, it can be a modified option). whatever the case, i'm working on reward not justification and letting god take over. i'm hoping for those magic pills too, just to make it easier on him.

national running day

so yesterday was national running day. i was reminded of this every few minutes from runner's world, the another mother runner blog, all the sporting good stores, and endless facebook posts from kara goucher, ryan hall, etc. i would kill myself if i ignored all the hype.

unfortunately for me, june 1st in texas is miserable. and it's not even as bad as it'll get in the next 3 months. but walking out to my car after work was a very unpleasant surprise. i'm pretty sure my leather seats in my car melted through my jeans to burn my skin. but i'd already agreed to go trail running while alex and his cousin mountain biked. stupid decision.

i got home and changed into my gear. i realized that a hydration pack would probably come in handy since there aren't any water faucets on this run. i made a super quick trip by sports authority and made a decision from the 2 choices they had. i pulled and pulled and pulled on the straps to get the belt as tight as possible so it wouldn't bounce around as much. i felt good. i was dreading the run but excited about my belt (amazing how new gear can make you want to do something you didn't want to do).

we got to the park and i started off to the trail head. i ran about 10 feet before my water bottle bounced out. i couldn't do 7 more miles like that, so i turned back to the car and threw the belt in the back. instead i decided to just carry the water bottle cause i'd definitely need it. turns out it wasn't too bad to carry and was as essential to the run as i thought it'd be.

my original goal for the run was to get as far as i did last time (which wasn't very far) without having to walk. the heat killed me last time and it was about 20 degrees warmer this time. i took off. slowly. but i was doing okay. i knew how to watch for bikers and still see the roots. i got to my last quitting spot and still felt okay. i'd made it through the first batch of woods without falling. i got through the field that had flowers and weeds up to my waist with a trench wide enough for one foot without crying. i felt pretty good about things so far. i passed alex about 3 miles or so in, they'd already gone 4. so i'd made better time than the last run, but i was concerned about the last 4 miles. they told me they'd wait and i promised to go as fast as i could.

the rest of the trail seemed a little easier. i'm not sure how much was just easier terrain and how much was me just getting used to running there. but overall i felt good. i'd already passed my goal of beating my last distance. and then i made it to meet alex. at 4 miles i kept reminding myself it was just a 5k left. by the time i hit 5 miles, i knew i would just have to press on. 5.5 meant a quick run down to the end of my "trail" at home. the last mile seemed to keep going and going. and then i looked up and saw alex peeking his head over the field. he was a little concerned that i'd twisted an ankle in the middle of nowhere, but he only had to go about 20 feet to see me trucking along. and they'd only finished about 15 minutes before me, so that was awesome. i waited 45 for them on monday, so 15's nothing.

so yeah, i did it. and didn't die. i think i had a good time, too. it's a weird thing for me. i wasn't real tired at the end, though my feet were getting a little sore just from being on them so long. i had a sense of dread going into a field in the same way i did going into the woods. but i liked that i was doing it. and i liked that i didn't fall (or even really trip). i hated that at points i was basically walking up the hills and around the roots. but at this point i just feel like that's something that will improve with practice and is just part of the gig. and i loved that i woke up without a bit of soreness. yes, i only went at like a 15 minute pace, but it's only my 2nd time trying it. could be worse.

no, i probably won't be entering a trail race anytime soon. or ever (i can't even wrap my head around what a nightmare it'd be to run with a crowd of people through that terrain). but the ocassional trail run could be nice. plus i got to celebrate national running day feeling strong and like a real runner. perfect day to welcome in june.

workin for the weekend

i don't want to be at work. i want to be home, in my bed, just like i was all weekend. it was awesome. i really think it'd be better if i just stayed at home all day, every day. i could get so much more done. i could make some really cute things (like the 2 really cute aprons i made this weekend). i could do some cooking and baking. i could get some great runs in. i could sleep. i could read and read and read. i could snuggle with the puppies. it'd be awesome.

but no, i'm at work now. and i'm not having any fun. i even have music and am about to start "catching fire," the second book in "the hunger games" series. and i'm still not having fun. i wish it was still the weekend. luckily i only have to wait 4 more days instead of 5 this week.

i am proud of myself for at least doing something this weekend rather than laying around doing nothing like i normally do. i kicked off the holiday weekend with a trip to gainesville for their summer sounds series. the square shuts down for the night for a concert with beer and food. weird for gainesville, which was dry until just a few years ago. anyway, the show was great and i got to collect my "holler time" shirt that was my reward for some hats i made the boys over the winter. i love my shirt. it's the perfect weight and softness. love it.

saturday began with a 5 mile run in which i nearly died. i kept looking around to see who would help me if i passed out. when i seriously thought about quitting, i was already to 4.1 and at that point there was no justification in quitting. so i pushed through. it's just so hot and humid around here. it's gonna be a really long 4 months before the misery ends.

i got home and cleaned up and headed back to gainesville with kaitlin and tony (from the great zoo run). we enjoyed some fried pies and ran by paige's shop. then hit the casino for some more fun times. unfortunately i wasn't a big winner like i was on mother's day and lost my 7 bucks. fortunately i wasn't as big of a loser as tony, who lost about 50.

sunday was another busy day. we went to a different church to see alex's cousin for senior sunday. then i stuck around with the in-laws for the banquet thing afterward. i was surprised that i enjoyed hearing about people's kids that i've never met. after a quick trip to barnes and noble (they bought me "water for elephants." i've heard nothing but great things) and the yogurt place, i came home and whipped up a really precious apron. i'm pretty thrilled with it. then we went for a walk with the puppies and that was delightful. and then still managed to watch "flight of the navigator." alex has been wanting me to watch it for years. if pee wee herman wasn't in it, it'd be one of the most worthless movies ever. thank god for pee wee herman.

monday i made some delicious pancakes. blueberry coconut pancakes with bananas instead of eggs. a little tangy, but good. i knocked out another apron that's also really precious. that makes 3 in a row that haven't been a complete disaster. i took a nap for an hour or so and woke up for a run at johnson branch. i haven't been there since before the half. it went pretty well considering how lame my runs have been lately. i stopped after 5- partly from the heat and exhaustion, and partly from the wildlife coming out. i did get to run really close to a deer, which was pretty cool. then a rabbit charged me and nearly gave me a heart attack. it came about a foot from my foot. terrifying. sadly i had to wait another 45 minutes before the guys were done mountain biking. at least i got some good alone time.

so overall, pretty good weekend. busy, but at least productive. and now i'm just waiting for next weekend to do nothing again. at least i have some good books to look foward to in the meantime.

winning

yesterday was a day of victory and defeat.

work went by pretty quickly thanks to a book delivery from our friend buck (of trivia fame). he'd been yelling at me to read "the hunger games," so he brought it by to encourage me a little more. i'm having a tough time deciding how much to read it. i've heard by the time i get to the middle of the book, i'll run right through it. while this is fantastic, i'm terrified that i'll get hit with things to do and not be able to give it the attention it needs (or at least that i want).

i got home and put on my running gear. this was exciting in itself, seeing how it was almost 90 degrees outside and my stomach kind of hurt. i waited around till alex got home so i could see him before he took my car for a bit. turned out he decided to wait to go till today. i figured i might as well take off and get the run in so i could make some dinner. it was tough. the run itself felt okay, my body wasn't sore or too tight and my breathing was fine. it was just hot. but with a really strong headwind for most of the run.

when i finished i felt like i'd just been hit with a ton of bricks. everything just started hurting the second my run turned into a walk. i got home and hit the floor. then a weird headache came over me and my stomach hurt turned into sharp pains. i was pretty sure it was just not being used to the heat, and probably drinking a little less than i normally do. whatever the case, i decided it was time to take it easy.

after i got out of the shower, alex volunteered to make baked spaghetti (his now specialty since i can coach him through it from the couch) so i could rest. in the mean time i got to do some embroidery on a pocket for the apron i did the other day. by the time dinner was ready i was feeling normal again.

we were excited to watch "the biggest loser" finale, fast forwarding through most of it. but then we remembered that there were tornadoes the night it came on. which meant weather for the last hour of the show. which meant we missed the entire end of it and still don't know the winners. i do know that irene was voted the third finalist, so i guess my ten votes paid off.

after a couple episodes of "united states of tara," i finished up the apron while alex watched the mavs game. i can't watch good games. i need to be in another room. i get too anxious and nervous and i can't sit still. once again we were losing when we turned it on. and once again we came from behind for the win. i felt really bad for the thunder. granted, we should have destroyed them. but it's so heartbreaking to more or less lose twice each game when the other team comes back from a 10-15 point deficit. whatever the case, the mavs are in the finals, so everyone's really excited around here.

despite the fact that my run wasn't the best, i was excited that i managed to get in a run, eat a good meal (no, i didn't fix it myself, but it's my recipe and i gave instructions), get some sewing in, and watch some great shows. overall my day was a win.

rambling

i think my sewing skills are improving. monday afternoon i came home and cut out some fabric, thinking i'd just get it started and slowly work it out. after a quick trip to gainesville and a surprise dinner with alex's parents, i came home and got started on an apron while alex watched tv. i'm happy to say i only had to rip about an inch of stitching out this time (vs. about 4 or 5 feet last weekend). it came together quickly, which was even more incredible since i sort of made it up and put different pieces together. i felt like a champ. now i just have to put a few decorative details on it and i'll be good to go.

last night was trivia. we were awesome as usual. more tornadoes came through, somehow missing denton. the sirens were going off in town, but we were stuck at the bar. several tornadoes touched down around the area before moving north and east. i'm grateful for getting skipped but sad for the destruction others faced.

i just finished kristin armstrong's book "mile markers," based on her blog. a lot of the chapters were repeats of the blog entries, but a nice reminder of how running and life come together and help each improve. now to begin "the hunger games." i'm not even started and i'm already excited about the cast of the movie.

today i'm hoping to get back on track with my nutrition and running and embroidery. we'll see how that actually happens. until then, reading time at work.

avocado-tequila whole grain spaghetti

over the weekend i made some delicious pasta. i wanted to use some of the very few things that my garden has produced so far. i also wanted to try something out without alex so he wouldn't complain. so i made this pasta dish, a very slightly modified version of the recipe on foodgeeks.com. it's got a ton of my go-to ingredients and is delicious without being heavy. it's also ready in about 10 or 15 minutes. it's great warm, lukewarm, or chilled.

avocado-tequila whole grain spaghetti

serves 4-6

1 lb. whole grain spaghetti

1 tbs. olive oil

1/2 an onion, chopped

1 bell pepper, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 jalapeno, seeded and minced (you can use less, but i like a little extra kick)

4 tbs. tequila

4 tomatoes, seeded and chopped

2 tbs. dry basil

1/2 c. cilantro, minced

1 avocado, peeled and chopped

salt and pepper to taste

cook the spaghetti and set aside.

heat the olive oil in a pan and saute the onion and bell pepper about 5 minutes. add garlic, jalapeno, tequila, tomatoes, basil and cilantro; cook about 5 minutes, until tomatoes are softened. stir in avocado and pasta. season with salt and pepper.